Der Comedy-Autor und vierfache Vater James Breakwell tweetet über den Alltag zu Hause mit seinen vier Töchtern.

Me: We've taken 1,000 pics. We're never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once.

Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one pic.twitter.com/E7jDR5uGIm

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 27. März 2016

Kinder verstecken Vieles...

Me: Where did the grapes go?

Toddler: *sits there innocently with suspiciously chubby cheeks*

Me: For the last time, you're not a hamster.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 18. April 2016

Sie lassen sich nicht gern die Fingernägel schneiden ...

One percent of the scars on my body are from doing something manly.

The other 99 percent are from trying to trim my toddler's fingernails.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 18. April 2016

Teilen ist nicht cool!

Me: Share with your sister.

5-year-old: Sharing isn't cool.

Me: Sharing is very cool. I share.

5: Exactly.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 26. März 2016

"Matching outfits" finden nicht alle toll..

This pic took 85 tries.

Someday, those matching outfits will be the reason they put us in a terrible nursing home. pic.twitter.com/4DHaeS4ekT

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 9. November 2015

Man will nicht immer sofort schlafen gehen...

Me: Take a nap.

3-year-old: I can't. A snake walked into my room.

Me: Snakes don't walk.

3: It was a dragon snake.

Mother of God.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 16. März 2016

Mama hat recht!

Me: What color do you want your room?

5-year-old daughter: Gold with sparkles.

Me: How about yellow?

5: Mom's right. You never listen.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 29. Februar 2016

Vom Alltag in der Schule, zu Hause und in der Arbeit:

5-year-old: I don't want to go to school.

Me: Come on. It'll be fun.

[hours later]

5-year-old: What else did you lie about?

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 26. Februar 2016

Me: Being a mommy is a very important job.

3-year-old daughter: Does it pay a lot?

Me: It doesn't pay anything.

3: I'll be a mailman.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 6. April 2016

3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.

Me: Do you like him back?

3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 15. April 2016

Die Lieblingsfarbe ist heilig!

[kids screaming]

Me: What's going on?

3-year-old: She's drawing with my favorite color!

Me: What's your favorite color?

3: All of them.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 12. April 2016

Me: Have you seen my bathrobe?

3-year-old: *waves hand* No.

This isn't the bathrobe I'm looking for. pic.twitter.com/NmC8ArYd5J

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 21. November 2015

Wife: The baby fell off the bed! You were supposed to watch her!

Me: It's not my fault!

Wife: Then whose is it?

Me:

Wife:

Me: Gravity.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 26. März 2016

Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*

5-year-old: Stop it!

Me: Let her go. I don't want to vacuum.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 17. April 2016

.. und außerdem ist das gut für das Immunsystem!